I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me: These seem to be some of the most difficult words to utter for most of us. And yet they can be the greatest step toward healing and putting a misunderstanding behind us. But why is it the last thing we think of saying?

In the workplace, it can be the cause for firing or, at the very minimum. looking bad to a supervisor. There seems to be little or no allowance for human error. My son tells me it is all about finding someone else to blame. Why not just own up to what you could have done better, I ask. If you accept responsibility, even for a small part of the office screwup, he explains, you could find yourself out on the street by end of day.

Okay, so not in the workplace. How about in a close friendship or relationship then? No, it seems even more difficult then. It too is a blaming game. Maybe one will relinquish out of fear of losing the other but rarely does an argument begin with the magic words “I’m sorry” or “Help me understand what you’re feeling.” Is narcissism inborn in human nature? Is it simply natural to feel things only from our own perspective. And, if so, what must we do to train ourselves to seek to understand the other’s point of view?

The question becomes even more pervasive when we move into the global arena. I remember on the evening of September 11th, our parish had a prayer service. During the course of praying for families who lost loved ones, the priest also raised the question: What is America’s part in all of this? What would make another nation hate us so much as to take such revengeful action? It was too soon even for a Christian congregation to face those questions. In general, those gathered needed to focus on America’s losses. There was still too much pain and too great a sense of loss to stand back and look at it from a broader perspective. But in every conflict, ultimately the question needs to be asked. What is my part in this dispute? Even if my part is one tenth of one percent - not that one need measure this - knowing my part, understanding the other side, is an essential step toward resolution. In many instances, though not all, the other side will relax their anger if they feel even slightly understood.

Global peace must begin with personal peace turning each situation, one by one, into an opportunity to resolve conflict. What did I do to make you so angry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Why is that so difficult to say?